Top 7 Most Annoying Drivers in Saigon

When I first came to Saigon and was faced with the traffic, I couldn't see any sense in the chaos on the roads (and often times on the sidewalk).  But as many of my friends here can attest, there is a logic to driving in the city and the sooner you get a bike and get into it, the easier and less scary it will be.  Having said that, there are however certain drivers whose habits can be quite irksome if not also dangerous.


1) The Buddy Bikers.  One of the perks of driving a motorbike instead of a car is that on a bike you can strike up a conversation with the biker next to you while driving.  That's great, except that your conversation has joined you into a single unit the thickness of a car (or worse if there are three bikes), while still driving in the bike lane and going slower than the surrounding traffic.  The Buddy Bikers also have the dangerous tendency of leaning their bodies towards the person they're speaking to, causing sudden tilts in their Buddy to avoid collision.  When you see a pair or more of Buddy Bikers, pass wide and pass fast.

But they are not the worst people to be stuck behind...

2) The Guy Who Hasn't Cleaned his Bike Exhaust Since the 80's.  OK, so driving behind a bus isn't that much better, but at least the bus carries a few dozen people to compensate for their emissions.  This guy is driving a bike that emits so much smoke that Batman can use it as cover for a stealthy exit.  That 100,000VND triple-filter face mask isn't going to do you much good if you're stuck behind this guy at a red light.

And while waiting for the light to turn green, you may just encounter a greater threat to your health than carcinogens...

3) Teenage Boys.  They always come out at night.  You can hear them coming from behind you by their speed and before they're in your sight you know that there's at least two to three of them on one bike, none of whom are wearing helmets, all of whom have spiky hair.  The driver is going to go right through the red light without the slightest hesitation and they won't even have their headlights on.  They are a menace to themselves and everyone else on the road.  Beware.

These kids may also be driving with only one hand, as the other one is busy with a cellphone or probably a cigarette.  Which brings us to...

4) Smokers.  It's not the actual smoke from the cigarette that I mind.  After all, going to any bar in Saigon is like being locked in a closet with Hunter S. Thompson.  What bothers me is when hot ash flies into my face, causing me to drive blind.  Is it really so hard to wait until you get to your destination to smoke a cigarette?

The one good think about a smoker is that holding a cigarette means that they can't honk their horn like...

5) The Honker.  Everybody honks their horn in Saigon and I am no exception.  Honking is a language all of it's own and is by far the most fluent part of my Vietnamese.  However, some people in this city are guilty of abusing the horn.  Sometimes it sounds like the driver is trying to use it to send a telegraph while others play a high pitch one note song.  These people think that the horn can part traffic like Moses' staff can part seas.  No matter how far to the right you yield The Honker doesn't relent.

But some people can really bring out the worst honker in you, such as...

6) Right Lane Parkers.  The light is red, but that's fine because you just need to turn right.  Oh wait, somebody just inched their bike to the front of the line on the right and stopped.  What's worse is that now they're talking on their cellphone.  Oh well, I guess that's what sidewalks are for.

Hugging the right lane (though usually not as often as they should) you'll also often find...

7) Bicyclists.   Back when I drove a car I hated bicyclists.  They were slow and I was always paranoid of hitting one.  Despite now being on two wheels myself, I'm no more a lover of bicycles than I was then.  While thinner than a motorbike they have less control and wobble around the road like a desert snake, making it harder to read what a bicycle in front of you is going to do than it is for a motorbike.  Also, the Vietnamese rider is usually too short to touch the ground while staying on the seat, making them reluctant to stop when stopping is what they really should be doing.